Ignoring the comments on breastfeeding

This is such a controversial topic that I’ve been putting off writing about it for a while. Don’t you just love how every one is so PRO breastfeeding. … aslong as you don’t feed where it makes anyone uncomfortable. Then if you do use a bottel you’re judged for the amount of sugar you’re forcing down your baby’s open little maw. All men have seen some form of tit, whether it’s their wive’s, creepy cousin’s, or candy at the strip joint…. or candi with an I that falls in all three descriptions. 

The reality of it is that men were built to be practical, not beautiful. You never hear woman comparing the classic man nippels with the over popular fat man nippels. It’s not that we don’t have opinions on nippels but honestly the male body is not that interesting. We females on the other hand are works of art. Every curve was well planned either for seduction,  femininity, or practical use. Boobs are option C – all of the above. 

I’m a proud breastfeeding mommy, and I hate  sitting anywhere other than my own home to breastfeed.  Reality check: if you walk passed some one in a mall that’s feeding her baby and your uncomfortable. ……… shut the fuck up and carry on with your fucking business …. that mommy had to pull out her tit in public to feed her baby. Instinctively we hide our boobs. We were raised to respect our bodies. Plus those tits used to be a lot less viny and without so many stretchmarks. If any one is feeling uncomfortable in this situation it’s the mommy! No body is judging the fat chick eating her large burger and chips in a restaurant but God forbid your baby needs to eat. 

I was always under the impression that there are only two groups of people when it comes to breastfeeding 

1) complete tree huggers happy to assist you while breastfeeding 

2) the dark side 
… you can guess in which side I plant myself. 
Recently though,  I’ve descovered an extra group. 

3) “draadsitters” – feeding your baby is fine, but there’s an age limit of 6 months to it.

I have many friends that fall in category 3. Sweetie you’re either with me or against me. 

So the trick on surviving the breatfeeding debate is simple. 

Step 1: stop giving a flying fuck about the breastfeeding debate.

Step 2: make your peace with the fact that we’re surrounded by a bunch of assholes that feels they know what’s best for your baby 

Step 3: if people look at you funny as they walk by you, greet them with a smile and a “first peak is free sugar, the next one will cost you”

Step 4: if people ask you how long your still going to breastfeed tell them until his beard’s stubble starts scratching your boobs.

Step 5: It’s your kid. You do whatever comes naturally and fuck the world. (Have this printed on a shirt and wear it while breastfeeding)

People, don’t be assholes. Raising kids is a hard enough job without the constant stream

 of criticism. Breastfeeding is already a massive task of self sacrifice, sleepless nights and sore boobs. Cut us some slack. 


pro’s and con’s on becoming a “homemaker”

I utterly love the new label that stay-at-home mom’s now get to use… “homemaker” how fucking fitting. It’s like some one finally realized that we do a shitload more than sitting on the couch watching TV in our pj’s all day. 

We manage a position that no person in their right minds would even consider. In fact, my husband sent me this video about the struggles mom’s face. (One of his sweeter moments I’ll admit) 

What it entails is this:

If you had to write up the job description for “mother” it would sound something like this…

Position – operations manager 

This position requires unlimited hours on your feet. Meal times are optional but only after the director has eaten. You will have to have excellent skills in mediating, cooking, diplomacy, self motivation, nursing, time management and teaching. There are no holidays or sick leave and there will be no salary what so ever. 

Ladies we do not give ourselves enough credit for what we do! Own it! It frustrates the living shit out of me when you’re meeting new people and they ask “so what do you do for a living?” And you get the “oh, that must be nice” comment accompanied by the look of “you’re a gold-digger” after you tell them your a stay at home mom. 

I used to arrogantly pride myself on my brains. I gave up a lucrative career in accounting to whipe asses, make food, homeschool, and sit at every sports event and school play and biology class. 

I’ve been responsible for many people’s financial prosperity for years and have never had a more difficult job than raising my boys. You fuck up an account and your client is a little pissed off.. you fuck up a child and you’ve single handedly ended any possible chance of a future for a human. Nothing is more intimidating then that thought! 

And no matter what method of adulting you use, or how you bring up your children there is no way of knowing how they will turn out. Shitty parents have good kids too. And good parents sometimes have shitty kids that become statistics and have babies at 18. (Ask my mom)

The only thing we as mom’s can do is pull up our skirts, get on some running shoes, strap down our boobs and hit the world running, and to hell with the little things that slip through the cracks.

So the con’s of becoming a stay at home mom is pretty obvious:

1) the only respect you’ll get is self respect for dragging your sleep deprived body out of bed, slapping on a layer of make-up (maybe 2 out of 7 days), zombie walking to the kitchen for coffie and then pretending that you’re a rockstar that’s handling life just fine, and repeating this process every day

2) you do not get a brake like working mom’s to look pretty, say smart things and get credit for it, then compartmentalise work mom and home mom.

3) you are constantly tailed by more than one shadow.. even when going to pee anytime of the month 

4) your messy house becomes your office and before you know it, you’ve become your own OCD mother that shits and whistles over bread crumbs and socks

5) MONEY! I’m telling you, if you’re the type of woman that goes for manicure and pedicures, facials, treatments and shopping sprees …. home making is NOT in your cards. 

6) you instantly become every ones PA. From ordering cupboards to filing personal documents to assisting with dishing out fake compliments while serving tea at a school play. Name it and you’ll have to do it…. because all working class people love asking you “so how did you keep yourself bussy all day?, specially while eating their already prepared hot dinner 

But there are some positives..

1) you get to choose when you feel up to traffic on the crazy roads 

2) you get to drink coffie (or adult grape juice) as often as you want

3) nobody knows if you are wearing pj’s underneath your blazer…. and nobody cares anyway

4) you get to really understand the game minecraft by actually playing it with your son

5) you see it all first. First steps, firts laugh, first bonfire in the garden, firts bed making

6) you get to have real experiences with your kids. No rush, no fuss.

The choice is never easy, some days I think I was a complete and utter fucking lunatic for choosing to become a homemaker but most days I get to call myself a proud homemaker. Specially when my domestic lady has been here.