All kindergarten classes have these little chatgroups were class parents can bitch and moan about everything. And they do.. from upset tummies to trying to sell their home-made crap. Then there’s the inspirational pictures and shitty jokes…. okay it’s pretty obvious I’m never the parent that gets asked to help sell cookies or organise the school play. I may lack a little school spirit. 

But waking up this morning and reading a group message already planned out my day. Ajay has this little friend who he loves. Their like tequila and lemon, like wine and a gossip night, like a movie with pizza you snuck in. When one is in shit… you can bet your ass that the other one is right there with him. His mom sent the group message stating that he has the dreaded pox. I knew, I fucking knew that I’d be going back to school in an hour and picking up my poxed out, itchy four year old.

We’ve been here before. Xander got chickenpox just before he turned 5. And I did what every mother who has a 5 year old who wants a party when he has chickenpox does… took him on the Gautrain to ensure that there’s at least two other people sharing in his birthday pox. 

We survived it once.. But that was my gentle baby, and two other babies ago. 

Ajay, aka picker of scabs, his own and others, is the worst kid to get chickenpox.

So experience has thought me these next steps to survive an itchy kid.. And here’s hoping it works again.

1) NOTHING helps for the itch.

2) make your peace with pox marks. We all have them, we all ignore them.

3) heat is a bitch! Keep the little ones on ice and it’ll keep most of the pox on ice. (We literally let Xander sleep on the tiles when he had chickenpox)

4) chamomile lotion goes on pink and dries to a weird chalky white. If they do not look like they’ve lost a fight with a chalkboard eraser, you’re not doing it right.

5) bath them.. well this is probably personal preference. Some people believe that water makes the chickenpox come out even more.. They are also usually the people that go looking for that pot of gold at the bottom of a rainbow. It’s a fucking viral infection. Shit happens. It needs to run it’s course, the least you can do is wash of the pit smell. 

6) be sure you’re stocked up on both fever meds and wine, it’s going to be a long few nights.

7) explain to your kid that if they do scratch, their skin is going to get seriously infected, rot and eventually fester into loss of limb.

8) ensure they get enough to drink and screw it if they don’t eat

9) get sleep, even when you’re not dead tired … understand that you will be in a couple of hours.

10) avoid pregnant friends and family. I can’t stress this enough, don’t be a dick. It’s roughly two weeks. Call, sms, Skype, Facebook……… welcome to a world of convenience. 

The only good thing about chickenpox is that you get to use it as an excuse to stay home, cancel meetings and avoid people. 

So good luck with those little pesky spots, scratches and white faces. I hope to see you on the other side.


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